Thursday, February 02, 2012
New Year, New You, New Me
Yes, I have finally re-entered my blog after a gazllion years of MIA. (Not that anyone is missing me or is even reading my posts!)
But I am back (I doubt for good. I'm going through a phase)!
The end of 2011 brings many, many lessons in life for me. And one very significant note in life is that come end of 2011, marks the end of my 2-yr very turbulent relationship with a man that I thought I could call my own, one fine day.
Loving someone unconditionally makes me more aware of myself and my capabilities and even though things went downhill (drastically after an upheaval), I am very very proud of myself. Lost a lot and learnt a lot.
The most amazing (actually bizarre) thing for me is that I have no regrets. And I mean it. (Still shocked about it though!) I mean, I am probably the only person who regrets every single decision I have made (even if it's as simple as what food to eat!), and yet I have no regret for making the choice I made for the past 2 years. And even though things fall apart very quickly (and hurtfully, I must say), I feel no hatred. Disappointment, hurt, betrayed but no regrets nor hatred.
OMG! Is this a sign of maturity?!!! ;p
Though he is a person I love very much (unfortunately, I realised, I wasn't in love with him for a very long time), sacrificed and went through a lot for, I am not looking back.
Yes people, this is IT. The real thing. So you can all put on your party hats and celebrate in joy cause your wishes came true! No mine, but YOUR wishes. Yeay.
*tell me something I dunno*Any-who, moving on.
Literally moving on. I discovered something. Not quite a good news for me. BUT more like OH MY SHIT kinda news. How do I say it here???
I kinda never realise that I had blardy strong feelings for someone from the past. From like 3 years ago. I knew I liked him. Then. I didn't know I liked him that much to still like him now. I didn't know that I like him that much more than I admit. I didn't know that I like him that much to risk getting hurt (again!). Wait, what am I saying, I KNOW I will get hurt.
So why do I even bother? Coz I like him THAT MUCH! Really really really like him and attracted to him. I DO NOT KNOW why I am attracted to him (totally not my type!) but I do. God! WTH am I doing???
I am enjoying his company especially because he makes me so happy. And I sometimes feel like holding him close and tight and never let him go coz whenever I am with him, the time literally stops. Now I know what it means. Never experienced that before.
And.... I am so afraid of falling for him... and I know I will. And it suck coz I know we can never be together. Oh why do I always get "forbidden love"?
And I miss him so so much. When he hold my hands, it feels like nothing else matters. We are so comfortable with one another and our conversations non-stop.
Haiz.
I'm doomed.
So much for a new year, a new me and a new you.
Posted by DiStUrBeD AnGeL at 11:40 AM